I know several people that when you communicate with them whether in person, electronically or however you never get the impression you are really connecting with them.
They never seem to be engaged enough to really hear what you are saying. They only hear enough to respond. The problem is that the response is only a surface response. Just enough so that you will move on and get the exchange over and stop bothering them. Never a real response that reveals anything about them except at a very superficial level. I have had fairly long conversations with people and come away without knowing them at all. I would be able to tell you a few facts about them but not knowing anything about “what makes them tick”.
Superficial conversations communicate that the person does not think you are valuable enough to communicate with. As I age and have retired many younger people seem to have that attitude. When I was a young, cocky and a “let’s get things done” guy I am afraid I brushed a lot of people off that way. I missed out on their wisdom and experience also.
I also brushed off people who I did not think knew as much about a subject as I did. After all, I was the professional. Professionals easily do that to working people. But working people have similar attitudes to professionals if they are talking about their work. Neither would see the other as a person of worth in their environment.
Sometimes I think people want only superficial conversations because they are afraid of deeper relationships. They might have to reveal themselves to others. They are afraid that people might find out who they really are, what they are truly like. They live behind a facade. A carefully constructed image they want to project, ashamed/afraid of who they really are. The solution is simple. Keep people at a distance.
Jesus, on the other hand, seems to have been totally involved in most conversations. He seems to have pressed to take the conversation deeper and draw the person out. Jesus wanted to know about people and he wanted to reveal himself to them. Seems to me that is the essence of conversation in the context of caring. It could also be a definition of love.
Jesus’ conversations expressed Love and Concern. People high on the religious pecking order and people considered as having no value in society received his close attention. No one was too unimportant for him to engage fully. Neither was he intimidated by position. In all his conversations Jesus was present. Fully present. In a conversation, Jesus always focused the conversation on the other person. Even when revealing things about himself he always did so in a way that put the focus on the other person in the conversation. Taking into consideration where they were coming from. That was one way Jesus expressed his love.
Frankly, I am not a listener. If I am doing something and someone breaks into my consciousness seldom ever do they get my full attention. I continue on doing whatever it is that I was doing. They are way out here at the edge of consciousness. I have to force myself to leave the task and turn attention to them. Even then I often see it as an interruption. I have to make myself focus on them and what they are saying.
Barbara, on the other hand, is totally a people person. When she is in a conversation, she is all in. Total focus. Total listening. Really hearing what the person is saying. They usually connect. A relationship is born and developed.
I am afraid many of my conversations are more about me than them. What does that say about me and my love and concern?
If I am to be a Follower of Jesus I need to really work on this.