The time between the 9 AM and 10:30 Worship Services on Sunday is a great time. To start with there are coffee and donuts. There is life. Children running around. Lots of hugs. Lots of handshakes. Lots of checking up on friends. Warmth, happiness, a sense of belonging.
There is nothing worse than being in such a situation and not feeling as if you belong. Been there, done that.
If you look carefully you can spot me. I come just as worship starts and sit in the back so I can leave quickly. That way I don’t risk being ignored.
Or. I get my coffee and stand against the wall looking at the activity and feeling more and more an outsider. The more warmth they share the colder my spot feels.
I know more and more I’m an outsider. I don’t belong here. I want to belong. I want to have what these people seem to have. I want to Believe. I want to be an insider. I want to experience the love of Christ. But here I experience separation. The sign said “Come Worship with us” but I did not sense “US”. I sensed aloneness. The sermon offered a message of hope and love but so far I had experienced neither. It was not their fault. They were so wrapped up in their warmth that there was none left for me. It is not that they dislike me. They simply don’t see me. If Jesus loves me why do his people ignore me?
I was so full of hope when I came.