The following was written when I was recently in Louisiana. Barbara’s brother, who was 89, had developed dementia. Barbara and I traveled to Louisiana to stay with him for three weeks while arrangements were made to enroll him in a care facility. After he was admitted we came back to Minnesota. We had only been back a few days when he was taken to the ER with pneumonia in both lungs. We returned to Louisiana. The next days were spent with him in ER, the hospital then hospice. Our youngest son, Kevin, traveled with us and spent several nights with Paul while other family members rested.
Paul was a man of faith in Jesus and because of his faith he was a good man. (The theme I used in his funeral). He was well thought of in his community. He was seen as a man of wisdom and people often came to him for advice. He was a church leader and community leader having retired as head of supply at Fort Polk. He was a spiritual mentor to many. He was an outdoors man who loved to hunt and train “bird dogs”. One of his treasured possessions, that he had moved to the care facility, was his “deer head”. Now he was reduced to working for each breath.
A few thoughts while
Waiting on death
I recently was with an elderly family member who was near death. Family gathered. Friends gathered. The pastor gathered. We waited. I guess We waited for death.
Periodically the nurse came in, took vitals and reported. One family member wrote them down so we could compare them to the last set. They were in steady decline. We waited. We waited for death.
The situation had been in decline for some time. We waited. Waiting for death.
Of course in one way that is not unusual. At 76, I am waiting on death. I have been for some time. We are all waiting on death. We simply do not sense that is imminent.
We all live waiting for death. I am 76 years and 9 months nearer my death than I was on the day of my birth. I have been close to death on several occasions. At age 29 I was in a car wreck. The Dr told my father I would not live through the night. He waited on my death. It did not come. I have one son born after that. If death had come for me he would never have existed. The world would have been different.
How many other ways would it have been different? Who knows?
Some people have warning and are given a timeline for death by the doctor. They wait for years, months, days, or hours. Waiting on a death they have been warned about.
For some death comes suddenly. Out of the blue with little or no warning. No time to wait.
Today, we are in a hospice nursing home. A place where death is near. Many are aware. Others, due to dementia, are not aware.
Most of us live our lives as if death is not a part of life. We use words that cover up the reality of dying and death. Seldom do we say dead or dying. We use euphemisms. We use funeral homes with lighting and cosmetics that makes the corpse (see you probably did like my use of that term) look as if they are still alive, simply sleeping. Far different than an actual dead body.
I think it frightens us when death is too near. It reminds us of our mortality. Our death. It reminds us we are waiting for death.
That is frightening for most because we fear the pain we often associate with death.
It is also frightening because of the unknown. What is the transitioning from life to death like? What is the experience of death like? What? What? What? Many more questions than answers.
When death came it was peaceful. A long breath in and a breath out. Death had come and quickly left. In a few moments, after a few tears, death lost its grip on our minds. We began to reminisce about life. His life. As we remembered his life there were often grins, even some laughter often mixed with tears. In some way, Life had won over Death.
Many questions came to my mind while we were waiting on death.
When death comes for me:
What will my life have meant?
What have I done of significance?
How will I be remembered?
What will I be remembered as?
What will I be remembered for?
Who will remember me and why?
Waiting on death? It seems that my questions focused on life, not death. Waiting on death but focused on life. Waiting on death can make us consider the quality of your life.
While you are waiting on death, Focus on life.
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12 NIV